At this point, it's hard to imagine anyone being excited about Trump's candidacy who is not a complete sucker. My brilliant brother Phillip pointed out that he's like a used car salesman.
Trump: Welcome to Trump Motors, I'm the owner here. Are you looking for a brand new pre-owned dream-of-a-ride? I have got the car for you. Boy, it'll really make your head spin.
Car Shopper: What type of car is it?
Trump: A terrific car. Huge!
Car Shopper: I was looking for something small: a compact.
Trump: It will be the smallest car you've ever seen. You'll be able to fit it into your pocket.
Car Shopper: Well, I still want it to be safe.
Trump: I'm the safest person you've ever seen, believe me. Trust me, I sell cars. I own this dealership. You think I don't know cars? You know what we used to say in my house? Safety first. My mother got that from the Bible, my favorite book of all time.
Car Shopper: I need a 4-door because my wife and I have a baby coming.
Trump: Children are spectacular. I once knew a kid who was a real rock star. Kids are little and terrifically young. It's a shame how I'm the only car dealer who loves children. Really terrible.
Car Shopper: Could we look around a little?
Trump: Come on. I've been selling cars for years. I have 6 billboards on highway 101 alone. I'm not even saying that to brag. I'm really rich. You think I got here by not knowing my cars. The other car dealers are so jealous it's embarrassing, but I'm not mad. So, I'll need you to sign here and bring me $31,000 cash before the end of the day.
Car Shopper: But I haven't even seen the car yet.
Trump: Only a loser would show you the car before you bought it. Do you want your car dealer to be a loser.
Car Shopper: Well, no...
Trump: Sign here.
(Car Shopper signs)
Trump: You are the smartest guy, believe me. You are one of the best people. Some people want to look at a car before they buy it, but that's just what all the big car dealers are always doing. Showing you the car and you test drive it, then you get totally screwed. I wouldn't do that. I'm already rich. I don't even need your money. I'm not saying that as a brag, but you wouldn't have even been looking for a car if it wasn't for me. Now you can drive instead of walking, which was just terrible, by the way.
Car Shopper: Well I had a car...
Trump: You call that a car? Wait till you see the new one, just go get that moolah, and you'll be living like me: in luxury.
Car Shopper: I can't wait to see it! I just am so sick of the new crap car dealerships have sold me in the past. I mean, I've always seen the car, and driven it, and did a Carfax on it before I bought it, but those guys completely screwed me. It's time for something different. Where's the nearest Check-into-Cash?
Unless otherwise stated, these are the opinions of RT Vaden.